I. Wala yan sa tagal ng trapik, nasa soundtrip yan ni Manong. Parang pag-ibig. Wala yan sa tagal ng relasyon, nasa lalim yan at saya ng pinagsamahan.
II. Ang pag-ibig ay parang pagsakay sa jeep. Tipong gusto mong sumakay sa harapan pero doon ka lang talaga sa likod. #FriendzonedLevel99.
I’ve been longing for the real you for weeks already. I’ve been looking for you for nights in my dreams but you’re nowhere to be found. I just thought of you wearing a new “you” which could be the reason why my heart can recognize you no more. “Am I being too selfish?” This is what I’ve been asking myself whenever I feel guilty of not being able to understand you, of not being able to see the real you in you. Falling in love with you wasn’t that hard, I mean the process. But the fall itself was pretty unbearble. This is what makes everything complicated, the after fall thing. What’s the next thing to do? Cause it seems that everything does not fall into its place anymore like I did way before i have found you. Learning you is not easy, but I wont hesitate to do that again if you already had some revisions on your side. I would still whisper your name in your ears and stare at you for a parcel of forever. But please dont get me wrong if there would be times that I could not catch up anymore. Im still learning this and that, Im still learning you. And don’t be surprised if there would be instances where I’d be an instant caveman after choosing not to talk to you for days just because my patience was already out of stock. It is rest assured that I’ll stay but not that I can always find you. It can’t always be like this, you have to grow, I have to, we have to. And yes, change is constant but please, seek for the good one.
I just cant always read between the lines, cause what if there’s nothing to be found between those lines? Every now and then I’ve been playing this music in my head so called mystery. After being so clueless of the snappy transitions of your actions I have to get a life learning to be a prophet. And I suggest that sometimes you have take some pills of guts for you to murmur your anxieties from the deepest of your heart. To tell what you really feel and think about. You have to, not because our hearts could no longer understand each other. But because our lives isn’t really intersecting, they were never intersecting. Parallel they are we have to accept it. We can’t just depend with our hearts in dealing with each other. Soon they will get tired of shouting each other’s name cause they were too distant. We have to understand that we now live in two very different worlds. And that I wont always figure things out of your actions. Tracing your footprints from your yesterday isn’t enough to decode your emotions printed in binary numbers. Maybe its just words are too powerful to be hidden. I don’t know why and what makes it hard for you to tell me these things behind your fragmented thoughts but.. please just tell me you’re just jealous. Tell me that you’re acting crazy just because you miss me, because you love me. would it be that hard?
- j.a.g., tell me
One of The worst feeling in the world to love & hate someone all at the same time. And it's hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. It's funny but stupid how you want everything & nothing at the same time. It's crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on, & when you want to move on but you're stuck right where you started. When feelings come and go & you can't decide what you want. When you have so many things to say but you don't know where to start. When you want them in your life so bad, but all you can do is push them farther & farther away. It's so hard to think back to how things used to be & look at it now and realize that things are different & they may never be the same. You tell yourself it's not worth it, but if it really didn't matter, you wouldn't spend so much time thinking about it.
but then i cried
I took a few breaths and went back to the page. “I can’t talk about our love story, so I will talk about math. I am not a mathematician, but I know this: There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There’s .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer wee used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set.I want more numbers than I’m likely to get, and God, I want more for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love,I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little INFINITY. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful.”
Kasing bilis ng ikot ng mga elesi ng mga bentilador ang pagwasiwas ng bawat diwang nasa ibat ibang lengwaheng hindi ko naman mawari, pilit kong pinipigilan, hindi ko naman maintindihan. Kasing ingay ng mga asong kumakahol sa labas ang lagabog ng bawat tibok ng pusong mistulang hinahabol ng sarili nitong kaluluwa. Napagbulay bulay ko, ang lahat ng ito’y wala palang kwenta. Hindi naman ako makata. yun lang ang aking akala.